Breastfeeding and Me

In a few days M will be 6 months old.  That totally blows my mind!  But what really blows my mind is that I have breastfed him for 6 months. 

6 MONTHS! 

Woohoo! 

I made it.

I really didn't think I was going to make it to 6 months this time.  See, I haven't really enjoyed the breastfeeding thing this time around.  I have felt more tired, more emotional and just more trapped with it this time.  When E was a newborn,  I remember how hard it was to even get the breastfeeding down.  How I cried and cried for two weeks after she was born, because she had jaundice and just wouldn't wake up to feed.  But once she got over it, she was great.  I was great.  She breastfed for 13 months.

With M, it was easy in the beginning.  He was a pro at it and his jaundice was much easier to handle.  It was/is me that is the problem. I don't know what it is about this breastfeeding experience that I am not enjoying.  I really think, and this is me being truly honest, that I just feel so tied down with it.  I feel like I can't leave and go have some alone time without worrying if M is going to scream his little head off because he wants the boob.  Sigh...

I know I should be thankful that it has been easy for me, and that I have the milk to even do it.  And I know that he is getting lots of good antibodies from me.  But I am REALLY ready to stop.  And I would, except that I have a crazy, irrational fear of him getting sick (which is a whole different blog post), and it is FREE! 

Sigh....

So, I am going to celebrate that I made it to the 6 month mark again.  And I am going to keep at it, because I know the breastfeeding process will only get easier as he starts to eat more solid food. I hope that I can start to enjoy it more.

E at 6 weeks old

M at 1 month